Just For Fun 1

If I were a billionaire, I'd hire someone to be really bad at low level corporate jobs.  Like, I'd pay them $80,000 a year to work at McDonald's and never get a single order right.  And then go work at Safeway, and do everything wrong. 

If they have an epic reason for being fired, they get a bonus.  Like, if they get fired for bringing a horse into an Arby's kitchen to say goodbye to its brothers, that's a bonus. 

Build a tree fort (with functional plumbing) under the roof of a Home Depot?  Bonus. 

Work at a FedEx Store and build a set of nesting boxes so that something the size of a small ring is shipped inside a box in a box in a box in a box in a box in a box in a box in a box the size of a refrigerator?  Bonus.

Ask everyone who walks into Subway, "You heard about Jared, right?"  Bonus.

At a meat market or deli, quietly say "You're braver than me" every time someone orders something?  Bonus.

At a craft store, make your own work apron that realistically looks like you skinned a Muppet?  Bonus.

Barricade the doors of a Burger King while dressed as the Hamburgler?  Bonus.

Ask every Starbucks customer if they want to "Super Size it"?  Bonus. 

Convince the employees of Walmart to start a cult?  Bonus.

Remember to wash your hands before cooking at a Denny's?  Totally outrageous. Big bonus.

No sabotage, and no one gets hurt, or the deal's off.  Just theater.  Ridiculous, absurd theater. 

After they've been fired from too many places, I'd pay their moving expenses to go do it elsewhere.  

They get to keep whatever they earn there. 

This is why I should never be rich.  I'd be a living, breathing monkey's paw. 

Popular posts from this blog

Good Faith

Of all the things to repair in this country, good faith is the most important. Good faith is the guiding principle lacking in so many of our complaints.   The endless cries for bipartisanship, and the folks reminding us how politicians on opposite sides of the aisle used to always find ways to argue angrily and then go out for drinks together - they're really mourning the loss of good faith. Good faith is the sincere desire to succeed together.   I want to succeed this way, and you want to succeed that way, but we both plan to share the rewards of that success. In other words, I want to do what I believe is best for everyone, and you want to do what is best for everyone.   We just have different ideas of how to do it.   No matter how much we disagree, we still want the other side to share in the rewards with us. That is what has been missing.   And the lack of it has been rotting us from our core.   Think about how prosecuting an...
Read more

ABOUT THIS BLOG - PLEASE READ

Find me at https://bsky.app/profile/handsomenuisance.bsky.social   This is not your typical blog.   It will be more like a library of my past work, and I will not be creating new content often.    Apparently there's a difference between "pages" (individually listed at the top and sidebar) and "posts" (an ongoing stream of new items on the home page - you can tell I'm old, can't you). Most items will be on separate pages.   The post on Good Faith is seminal, so it will probably be my only other post until I figure out how to use all the controls.     Friends and family repeatedly encouraged me to publish the essays I’ve written over the last few decades.   If even a single reader finds them useful, this will have been worthwhile.   You may be wondering who I am, and what my bona fides are.   The fact that I italicized “ bona fide ” may give a tiny clue.   However, I must remain anonymous.   I am a polarizing person. ...
Read more